"You are not just your infertility. Don’t let it define every aspect of your life and hold you back from enjoying what you have now. Don’t let yourself be trapped in the thought that you must not be a good enough person to get a baby (believe me, I’ve been there), because it’s not true. There are so many good, strong, faithful women with families of their own, but being good is not a precursor to having children. It seems that any fifteen-year-old pothead can have a baby, but remember that, just as it takes a strong woman to raise a righteous family, it takes an equally strong–and in some ways, stronger–woman to be able to withstand the pain and resentment that comes with infertility.
You’re strong. God loves you. He has always known you would struggle with infertility and it never once made Him love you less. Remember that, and embrace the joy whenever and wherever you can."
I am trying very hard to not let my "infertility" define every aspect of my life, to be the center of my universe. It's hard but I know that with time and with help from my Heavenly Father through the atonement I can begin to live a full life.
I also suffer from depression so my infertility has only made it worse. But recently I bought called "Deliverance from Depression: Finding Hope and Healing Through The Atonement of Christ" it's by G.G. Vandagriff, Greg Vandagriff, and David P. Vandagriff. Depression is a complicated this but this book explains it perfectly....
"When you have depression, the only thing that seems to exist inside you is a void so deep and so dark that you alternately fear for your life on the one hand, and wish for extinction on the other. You echo Nephi's anguished cry, 'O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. . . . And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins"
"When you have depression, your nervous system stops functioning properly, which means that all the nerve ending that should be communicating the visual and sensory details of the scene before you-as well as the love you should be feeling for your spouse, your children, and your creator- are not doing their job. you cannot feel because in a very literal sense your brain is broken."
"A broken brain is a physical condition-it has no more to do with personal righteousness than the ravaging physical effects of cancer. However, a key difference between depression and other illnesses is that the symptoms of depression are largely mental and emotion. A depressed person can rarely feel anything but blankness. When you are depressed, it is very unusual to be able to feel the Spirit- not because you have sinned, but because you can't feel ANY positive emotions: hope, joy, peace, happiness, charity, or love. For this reason as Elder Alexander B. Morrison has counseled, a depressed person must be careful of the buffeting of the adversary. "Those who suffer from mental illness, who are burdened with pain, depression and confusion must, I believe, be especially on their guard against the devil and his agent"
The book goes on to explain how we can be delivered from depression through the atonement. I am working on using the atonement in my life not just to help me with not being able to be a mother at this time but with my depression as a whole. I hope someday I will be rid of it forever.
P.S.: You can buy "Deliverance from Depression: Finding Hope and Healing Through The Atonement of Christ" by G.G. Vandagriff, Greg Vandagriff, and David P. Vandagriff at Deseret Book
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